A Moment in Mothering
As a first time mom, I overthought everything, worried a lot, and had endless questions running through my mind from the moment I woke up til the moment when I finally fell asleep at night (sometimes in the middle of my evening prayers if I'm being 100% honest).
For him: is he warm enough? Is that a hungry or tired cry? Do I change his diaper when the Pampers shows that first hint of the blue line? Am I eating right so he is getting the best nutrients from my milk? What happens to him if I have a glass of wine? Am I doing this right?
For me: this house is a mess. When was the last time I washed my hair? Will my body ever look the same? I have 5 minutes before my husband get home - do I put on some mascara and try to look like the woman he married or do I empty and reload the dishwasher?
Baby on my hip, I was flitting around the house like a crazy moth (not a beautiful butterfly), trying to get the endless list of chores tackled, when my son's face in the bathroom mirror stopped me dead in my tracks.
He wasn't fussing.
He wasn't crying.
He wasn't making that saddest pre-cry frowny face that gives all parents a deep, sad pang in their hearts.
No, he was smiling. At me. At my reflection in the mirror. Dirty hair, no makeup, a little bit of spit up on my athleisure outfit even though I was definitely not hitting the gym. Heck - if you look close enough you can see I still have remnants of my acne spot treatment cream on my face.
In spite of my scary appearance, in spite of all that I saw, he was smiling.
All he saw was mommy. And for a moment I was able to see myself and all the things he must see through his eyes. Mommy - the face that is always smiling at me. The squishy curves that hold me up on her hip are comfy. The hair that tickles my face and makes me laugh when we play. The mouth that gives me all the keeses.
He didn't see the acne cream, love handles, dirty oily hair, or the mouth that could seriously use a swipe of lipgloss. He saw one of his two favorite people. And that sight made him happy, and for a moment I soaked in all that he saw and let myself just be. No shame or stress or questions running through my mind.
Moms - take a moment to read these words and let them soak in.
YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.
You are a great mother.
You are doing your best, and even on the days when you don't feel like it - you are still your baby's greatest love.
And if you ever need a reminder, throw that baby on your hip and get to the nearest mirror and watch your baby's face light up when he sees your reflection. Give yourself a minute to see yourself through his eyes and see all the love he has just for YOU.
Much love,
Kristin